Ranma Muyo!
A Ranma 1/2/Tenchi Muyo! Crossover
by Ewen "Ryoga" Cluney

Foreword
     Ranma Muyo! is something I've been trying to do for some-
time, and succeeded in a rather interesting way. I have for some 
time wanted to do a crossover of my favorite anime, Tenchi Muyo!, 
and my second favorite anime, Ranma 1/2. The only thing that I was 
really lacking was a good plot. Then I came up with one; the idea 
was simple, but it was also one of those Recipe For Disaster 
ideas that has a way of running off on its own.
     What if the casts of both shows went to the same hot springs 
for a weekend? The result is an OAV style adventure that doesn't 
make for all that many plot developments, but is still *lots* of 
fun.
     If you aren't familiar with both Ranma and Tenchi Muyo... 
well... to be honest, you might as well skip this, or get famil-
iar with them before going any further.

     DISCLAIMER: Ranma 1/2 characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, 
Tenchi Muyo! characters created by AIC/Pioneer LDC. This work 
should not be interpreted as an attempt to infringe on any such 
trademarks or copyrights, and may be distributed freely, in 
unmodified form.
_________________________________________________________________

     It was a breezy day in later summer. Azaka turned to face 
Nobiyuki as he approached. "Hello sir. Nice weather we're having, 
eh?"
     Mr. Masaki still hadn't gotten used to the Guardians of 
Jurai. Or the alien women living in his house, or any of the 
other things that had happened, but he had learned to take it all 
in strike. His work kept him away from the house much of the time 
anyway. Azaka and Kamidake were, in fact, the least threatening 
thing to be added to his everyday life. That, combined with the 
fact that Azaka was now the mailbox, meant that he had gotten 
used to talking with them.
     "Yes, it is a nice day." he said with a smile. "Any mail 
today?"
     A letter materialized in his hands. "Just the one letter." 
said Kamidake. "It's from Mrs. Yamada."
     He opened the letter and read it over. And let out a long 
sigh. "So much for the hot springs."

     Mr. Ishii of the neighborhood group stood at the door of the 
Tendo dojo, scratching the back of his neck.
     "Hello, Mr. Ishii," said Kasumi brightly. "How are you 
today?"
     "Um, fine, thank you."
     "What brings you here today?"
     "Well, Kasumi," he said carefully. "We need someone to plan 
the neighborhood trip for this year, but after the... events at 
that cave last year, we decided it would be better to ask someone 
who is... how should I put this...?"
     Kasumi waited, not quite sure what he meant.
     "Impartial." he said at last. "And responsible. We need 
somewhere everyone will enjoy."
     "I'd be glad to. I'll be sure to do my best."

     Nobiyuki stood before the residents of his house. "I'm 
afraid I have bad news; Mrs. Yamada sent me a letter saying she 
doesn't want us coming to her onsen anymore."
     Everyone looked disappointed. Washu rolled her eyes and 
looked in Ryoko's direction. Mihoshi whimpered. Aeka sighed. 
Tenchi wasn't sure what to think. Ryo-Ohki was just confused.
     "So... why don't we go to a different hot springs?" asked 
Sasami.
     He thought about it for a moment. "I suppose we could..." It 
would cost a bit more, to be sure.
     "I know of a great one on Larellius IV." Washu announced.
     "Isn't that a little far?" asked Tenchi.
     "Well, it is in the Andromeda Galaxy..."
     Ryoko groaned. "I suspect we were all thinking of an onsen 
ON EARTH!"
     "Well," said Nobiyuki, "we could go to the Yamamoto onsen."
     "Ryoko," Aeka scolded, "You shouldn't yell like that, espe-
cially at your own mother!"
     Ryoko glared at Aeka. "Oh, and I suppose you would rather go 
to a hot springs in another galaxy, eh princess?"
     Mihoshi put herself between them in an attempt to stop them 
from fighting, while Sasami and Ryo-Ohki took a considerably 
safer verbal approach.
     As for Nobiyuki, he decided to retreat, and his son followed 
suit.

     The Tendo family, plus Ranma, Genma, P-Chan, Shampoo, Co-
logne, Mousse, Ukyo, and a few others, were assembled in the 
dojo. Happosai was not there; this was both good and bad. It was 
true that they had some peace and quiet for a change, but at the 
same time it meant that the was likely wreaking havoc elsewhere.
     Ishii motioned to Kasumi, and she nodded in reply.
     "Mr. Ishii asked me to choose the place for the neighborhood 
trip; I think it would be nice if we all went to the Yamamoto 
Onsen."
     A number of people nodded in agreement. Genma, Soun, and 
Ranma turned pale.

                        *       *       *

     The drive had been long and trying, and Ryoko and Aeka 
weren't helping any. In fact, by the time they arrived, any 
object put between their stares was likely to spontaneously 
combust.
     Everyone else carefully got out of the van, and then they 
debated what to do with the two of them, who were too engrossed 
in their mutual hatred to notice anything else. Finally, Washu 
decided to put them on ice, so to speak.
     As they were trying to figure out what to do with the pair 
of giant ice cubes (an Aekasicle and Demonsicle, as Sasami put 
it), a charter bus pulled up and a sizable group piled out. Among 
them were a number of teenagers, some average-looking people, and 
an ancient-looking Chinese woman.
     Washu looked at the group with suspicion.
     Tenchi, noticing this, looked them over as well, trying to 
figure out why. "What is it, Miss Washu?"
     The little genius smiled. "I can sense some serious energy 
from some of them. This could be interesting."
     Tenchi looked to the heavens for guidance -- that was the 
most one could do when Washu said things would get interesting.

     Ranma looked around, wishing he hadn't had to come here. As 
though his curse wouldn't complicate things enough already, he 
had a feeling that Happosai might just show up. The old lech and 
onsens didn't go well together, and Ranma always seemed to end up 
in the middle when the panties hit the fan. Indeed, he'd lost 
count of the number of times he'd had the stuffing beaten out of 
him by angry girls when a splash of warm water came along.
     He also saw a van parked some distance from the bus. Next to 
it was a middle-aged man, an elderly (but rather vigorous) man, a 
teenage guy, two little girls (one with reddish-pink hair and one 
with light blue hair), and what appeared to be two women encased 
in ice.
     Ranma wasn't the only one to notice this by any means. 
Akane, gripping P-Chan to her chest, came up behind them. "Who do 
you suppose they are?"
     He shrugged. "I dunno." It was rare for them to encounter 
any group that stood out more than theirs. There were the Seven 
Lucky Gods Martial Artists with their airship, the Musk Dynasty 
wierdos, and the freaks from Tomobiki-Cho. And now these people, 
many of which had technicolor hair.
     "Meow!"
     Ranma jumped a good thirty or forty feet into the air, and 
landed gripping Akane from the side.
     "Ranma, get off of me." she growled. "Now."
     But he didn't. He was too afraid of the cat.
     "That is not a cat, Ranma."
     Slowly, very slowly, he looked down. It was fuzzy, brown, a 
kind of cute. It was sort of like a cat, but it wasn't, really.
     "Meow?"
     Ranma eased off of Akane, and stood very still, just in case 
it was a cat after all. Even so... it was sort of cute...
     Akane bent down, and stroked its soft fur. "He's so cute!"
     "Ryo-Ohki's a she." said a small voice, which, as it turned 
out, belonged to the little blue-haired girl. Ryo-Ohki meowed 
again, and hopped up onto her shoulder, then climbed on top of 
her head.
     "Is she yours?" asked Akane.
     She shrugged. "Not really. Sometimes it seems more like I'm 
hers."
     Akane smiled. "My name's Akane."
     "I'm Sasami." she replied with a short bow. "Please to meet 
you." Sasami eyed P-Chan, who eyed her back. "What's the pig 
called?"
     "P-Chan. Isn't he cute?"
     Sasami nodded. "Well, I'll see you later. I need to go help 
with Aeka and Ryoko." There was a yelp off in the distance. "And 
Mihoshi too."

     While the group from Nerima was large and varied, the small-
er group was mostly female, and universally strange.
     Ranma waded into a large and very warm pool of water. There 
was only one other person there, a teenager about his age, who 
seemed to be constantly looking around, as though something 
catastrophic were about to happen.
     "What with you, man?"
     He looked at Ranma and sighed. "I suppose you saw the girls 
I came here with?"
     "Uh huh. And?"
     "Well, one of them -- Ryoko -- last time we went to the hot 
springs she kind of..."
     Ranma tried to think of what he could mean by "kind of." A 
number of things came to mind, and not one of them was G-rated. 
"What do you mean?"
     "Hi there, Tenchi."
     Out of nowhere, there was a woman with long, spiky, light 
blue hair, hanging all over the guy. She was mature, sexy, and 
quite naked.
     "Tenchi," she chided, "why do you always have to go and 
hide!" She ran her fingers over Tenchi's chest, doing things to 
his mind best left unsaid. Needless to say, he turned bright red, 
and blood trickled from his nose.
     Then she noticed Ranma. "Hey, who's this?"
     "I'm Ranma."
     Ryoko looked him over; this Ranma was handsome, and it 
looked like he worked out... But how could she think this way? 
Especially since she had Tenchi. Well, she didn't exactly *have* 
him per se, on account of Aeka. Ranma might be more readily 
available, but then she had known Tenchi so much longer...
     "Aaaugh!" she screamed. "I can't decide!" And with that, she 
vanished.
     Tenchi sighed, and sank back into the water. Ranma just 
stared at the spot where she'd been. "Who... wha...?"
     "That was Ryoko."
     "But she... she just *vanished*!" Ranma sat down, and tried 
to collect his thoughts. "How'd she do that?"
     Tenchi scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Well... 
it's sorta' hard to explain."

     While the men's bath was sparsely populated, the women's 
bath was overcrowded. Not only that, but there seemed to be a lot 
of hostilities around. Despite this, everyone got to talking, and 
introduced themselves; there was Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi Tendo, 
Cologne, Shampoo, Ukyo, Aeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, and 
Washu. Ryo-Ohki was along as well, perched atop Sasami's head.
     Surveying the group, Washu chose the oldest to talk to, as 
the seemed to be the smartest by far.
     "Quite a group we've got here, eh?"
     The old woman nodded. "I expect this to be quite interest-
ing, child."
     Washu frowned. "I may be little -- and *very* cute -- but I 
am _not_ a child. I'm over 20,000 years old!"
     Cologne wasn't sure what to say to that; the girl, who 
looked to be no more than twelve, was claiming to predate human 
civilization. Was this a goddess? An immortal? A disguised drag-
on, perhaps? "Oh really? Then just who are you?"
     Washu grinned. "You really wanna' know? I am Washu, the 
greatest genius scientist in the universe!" She looked the wrin-
kled old woman over. "And what about you?"
     "I'm afraid I can't make a claim quite as grand as that. I 
am over 300 years old, an elder of the Amazon village of Joketsu-
zoku."
     "Amazon? You mean like the tribe near Greece, or actually 
from the Amazon... or what? In either case you don't look it."
     "No, no, no. We come from China."
     It made sense, based on how she was dressed, but... "Ah, I 
see. It's an awfully deceptive name, though, especially given the 
etymology... But forget all that. We're here to have fun, after 
all -- and watch the kids."
     Cologne nodded and smiled. "Indeed."

     Deep within Akane's luggage, amidst the undergarments, 
something stirred, hungry for the sight of female flesh.

     Happosai peeked over the bamboo wall, into the women's bath. 
Never before had he seen such an array of female beauties in one 
place. It was simply awe-inspiring, that such beauty existed. If 
he died at that moment, he would die a very happy man (so to 
speak).
     But on the other hand, why settle for just looking when you 
can feel also? Happosai stood up, and jumped for the sexiest one 
of all.
     Ryoko saw the tiny little man rubbing his head against her 
breasts, but couldn't believe it. Not just his size, but the 
strength of his grip. "What the...?"
     Everyone turned around.
     "How did *HE* get here?!" shouted Akane. "That... that 
_PERVERT_! I bet he hid in my luggage again!" She pulled out a 
giant mallet {from HammerSpace(tm)}, but Ryoko motioned for her 
to stay back.
     "Allow me." Ryoko said calmly.
     A furious storm of red electricity ensued, lasting nearly a 
full minute, followed by Ryoko drop-kicking the little pervert.

     Something small, round, and blackened, landed in the men's 
bath. Those present -- Yoshou, Nobiyuki, Genma, Soun, Ranma, and 
Tenchi -- went to see what it was. Ranma got there first, and 
pulled the tiny thing out of the water. "I thought so!" she 
yelled. "It's the old lech!"
     Yoshou straightened his glasses, and took a closer look at 
the thing Ranma held in one hand.
     "Wow." said Happosai, smoke escaping from his mouth. "They 
were so... lovely."
     Ranma frowned. "A thousand yen says he was grabbing some 
girl."
     Yoshou nodded. "Needs to learn subtlety."
     "What did you say?"
     Realizing what he'd just said, Yoshou had to think fast. "I 
said, he need to be punished."
     Tenchi rolled his eyes. "It looks like Ryoko -- the one with 
spiky blue hair -- already did that. It certainly looks like her 
work."
     The lecher smiled. "Ryoko... so sexy..."
     While the others were dealing with the old man, Genma 
grabbed Soun, and the two spoke in hushed tones.
     "Did you see what this Ryoko woman did to the master?"
     Soun nodded. "Incredible."
     "Tendo, we need to use this situation to our advantage. With 
her help, we might even be able to get rid of him for good."
     Realizing what his friend had just said, tears of joy began 
to well up in Soun's eyes.

     Ryoko finally sat down. It had taken her a full ten minutes 
to calm down, and at least as long for everyone's hair to stop 
standing on end from the electrical field she'd created.
     "If he comes back here," Ryoko said calmly, " I am going to 
*PULVERIZE HIM*!"
     "Oh my." said Kasumi.
     Ryoko made a fist. "I won't let anyone do that to me! Except 
Tenchi, of course..."
     "Tenchi would never do such a disgusting thing!" shouted 
Aeka, "Especially not with *you*!"
     Ryoko gave an evil grin. "At least I'd fare better than you, 
princess!" she jeered. "The little guy may be a pervert, but you 
can't deny his good taste!"
     Sasami sighed. "Not again." Ryo-Ohki meowed sympathetically.
     Nabiki looked at the little blue-haired girl quizzically. 
"What do you mean, 'again?'"
     Sasami turned to her and replied, "They're always fighting 
because they both like Tenchi. They usually destroy a lot of 
stuff too."
     "Really," said Nabiki. She could just smell the potential 
for profits. All she needed was something to use against this 
Tenchi guy.

     Ranma got out of the bath, still holding the pervert. 
"Besides," he was saying, "I though we'd left you behind. How'd 
you find out where we were going?"
     "Fool!" said Happosai. "While you discussed your plans, I 
was hiding in the shadows! Did you really think you could go to 
an onsen without me?" He wriggled out of Ranma's grasp, and 
landed one foot on a bucket of water.
     Cold water, Ranma realized, as it struck him. And she didn't 
have anything on beyond a towel around her waist. "You damn 
*pervert*!"
     Happosai latched onto Ranma's suddenly well-endowed chest, 
only to be punched high into the air.
     As if things couldn't get worse, Kuno chose that moment to 
walk in. She quickly found yet another pervert grabbing at her. 
"Oh Pig-Tailed Girl!" he cried, "What will they say?! Never 
mind!; I can see that like me you are too filled with passion to 
concern yourself with the opinions of others! Come bathe with me, 
my Pig-Tailed Goddess!"
     Kuno scooped her up, and jumped into the water.
     A moment later a very male Ranma emerged.
     "Ranma Saotome!" Kuno roared. "What have you done with the 
Pig-Tailed Girl! You fiend!"
     Ranma's reply was a kick that sent Kuno flying off into the 
distance. When he had disappeared from view entirely, Ranma 
relaxed a little, but didn't stop frowning.
     Tenchi, Nobiyuki, and Yoshou were at a loss for words. Ranma 
had transformed into a girl and back, before their very eyes. Of 
course, they had seen stranger things happen, most often as a 
result, direct or indirect, of the actions of Washu, but it was 
unnerving nonetheless.
     Against all probability, Tenchi was the first to gather his 
wits enough to speak. "What was *that* all about?"
     "It's a *very* long story." said Ranma. "It could be a 
novel, or even a manga series..."

     Kuno found himself in the women's bath. His head hurt, but 
what he saw there quickly made him forget that.
     She had blue-green hair and sparkling green eyes. Kuno 
pulled together his composure, mustered every ounce of charm that 
he had, and bowed to her. "That I should discover such a vision 
of loveliness, truly the heavens smile upon me. Verily, the gods 
have chosen to bless the world with beauty!"
     Kiyone was very confused. After all, a young Terran had 
crash-landed in the women's bath, and suddenly begun to profess 
how beautiful she was. She was far from unattractive, but far 
from exceptional among a group such as this. "Um... uh..."
     "Come, fair one! Date with me!"
     Kiyone wasn't sure what to say. She didn't realize it, but 
she was turning bright red.
     Kuno swept her up in his arms, and left.
     "Gee." said Mihoshi. "Who was that?"
     "That," said Akane with more than a touch of anger in her 
voice, "was Tatewaki Kuno. Do yourself a favor and ignore him."
     "Huh?" Mihoshi was obviously confused. A state which, Akane 
realized, she entered with great frequency.
     "Well," said Nabiki, "Kuno is obsessed with both Akane and 
the 'Pig-Tailed Girl', and now it seemed that he's taken a liking 
to your friend Kiyone." She put a towel around herself as she 
stepped out. "He'll go for anything female, but his favorites he 
*never* leaves alone."
     "Um, Nabiki?" said Akane. "Where are you going?"
     "I just have some business to attend to. That's all."

     Kiyone wasn't at all sure what this guy would do and was, 
truth be told, a bit worried. Fortunately, he told her to get 
dressed, "as it was unseemly to meet in such a manner in public."
     When she met him again, he was wearing a kendo outfit. He 
bowed deeply. "My name is Tatewaki Kuno. May I have the pleasure 
of knowing yours?"
     Still unnerved by his poetic spoutings, she stammered, "Um.. 
Kiyone?"
     Kuno's eyes lit up (well, more so). "Kiyone! A name truly 
fitting of such a goddess!"
     "Um... uh..."
     "Please, my love! Tell me of yourself! That we may be to-
gether in bliss!"

     Nabiki had three things to do. For Kuno, she would get some 
good photos, as well as Kiyone's address and phone number. For 
Ryoko and Aeka (or rather, the highest bidder among the two), she 
would get a meeting with Tenchi. What had started as a relaxing 
weekend was quickly turning into an incredible business opportu-
nity.

     In was late in the afternoon, and most everyone was done 
with their baths.
     Dressed in one of her slinkier outfits, Ryoko had just 
stepped out of her room when a pair of middle-aged men approached 
her.
     Soun nudged Genma; both were a bit intimidated by her.
     "Excuse me," Genma said at last. "but are you Ryoko?"
     She nodded slowly. "Yeah, what about it?"
     "Well," he said hesitantly, "we've come to ask your help -- 
to benefit everyone."
     "Oh?"
     "No doubt you met the man called Happosai today." said Soun. 
"You must understand that his perversion knows no bounds; he goes 
out, at night as well as in the daytime, and steals women's 
underwear constantly."
     "What we are asking," Genma continued, "is that you use 
whatever means you have available to you to dispose of this man."
     She considered it for a moment. It might be tricky, but 
equally satisfying. However, there were other possible benefits 
from it... "I'll do it on one condition; only if you get me some 
time alone with Ranma."
     Soun and Genma exchanged glances. It might be damaging to 
Ranma and Akane's already stormy relationship, but in this in-
stance they had to think of the greater good.
     "Very well." Genma said at last. "It's a deal."

     Tenchi was getting a feeling of dread, the kind he would get 
whenever something bad was going to happen, like Kagato arriving 
or Ryoko and Aeka getting into an unusually large fight, or 
either of them trying to cook... Somehow, the people in his house 
getting to know the gang from Nerima seemed a little scary.
     "Hi there."
     He turned around and saw a pair of girls standing there; one 
wore a western-style casual outfit with jeans and a t-shirt, 
while the other wore a Chinese outfit and had purple hair, of a 
slightly lighter shade than Aeka's.
     "You Tenchi, right?" asked the purple-haired one.
     He nodded nervously. "Uh, yeah..."
     Ukyo smiled. "I can see why Aeka and Ryoko like you so 
much."
     "Well... I... uh..." He scratched at the back of his neck. 
"Um, thanks. I... gotta go." He turned, tripped, spun, and some-
how managed to fall all over the two of them in the most embar-
rassing way possible. He carefully extricated himself, mumbled 
some apologies, and scurried away.
     As he scurried, he realized that he thought he had heard a 
click -- like a camera -- and began to worry. A lot. He was 
almost to the main room when a girl with short, brown hair and 
devious brown eyes stopped him.
     Nabiki grinned. Tenchi realized that the had an instant 
camera. "Hi there, Tenchi. I have a business proposal for you."
     "Wha?"
     She held up a photo. "A very compromising position, wouldn't 
you say?"
     Tenchi came very close to a faint.

     At the insistence of Washu and Cologne, the two groups had 
dinner together in the main room. Almost everyone was in one 
large group, with a few exceptions; Kuno and Kiyone were together 
in some corner of the room, and Tenchi and Nabiki were nowhere to 
be seen.
     For the most part, the men were on one side and the ladies 
on the other. Ryoko made a point of sitting directly across from 
Ranma and, before the meal began, trying to look as seductive as 
possible. When dinner was served, Ryoko proved to be the only one 
who attacked it more savagely than Ranma.
     "Oh my." said Kasumi. "Miss Ryoko certainly has quite an 
appetite."
     When Nabiki walked in, she whispered to Aeka and then Ryoko, 
both of whom left with her. Washu watched them go, and smiled. 
"Excuse me for a minute."

     "So," said Ryoko, "what is this about time alone with 
Tenchi?"
     "It's simple." said Nabiki. "I've made the arrangements. All 
that remains is to see who gets the prize, which is whoever bids 
the highest."
     "Mind if we join in?"
     The three of them turned to see Ukyo and Shampoo there.
     "I don't see why not." said Nabiki.
     "Ryoko," said Aeka "I think we should call a truce long 
enough to reduce the amount of competition a little. What do you 
say?"
     Ryoko smiled. "For once, Aeka, I agree with you completely."
     Red energy crackled, and cylindrical blocks of wood materi-
alized. Quickly realizing by just how large a margin they were 
outgunned, Ukyo and Shampoo beat a hasty retreat.
     It took Nabiki a moment to regain her composure. "Well 
ladies," she said at last. "shall we start the bidding at two 
thousand yen."
     Ryoko and Aeka both looked into their pockets and purses, 
and Nabiki quickly realized that this wasn't going to be quite as 
profitable as she'd thought. Neither of them actually had that 
much money.

     Tenchi sat, waiting, on a bench in an isolated corner of the 
inn. Nabiki's photo made it look like he was grabbing at those 
two girls, even though he'd just tripped, probably because of 
her. So now she was blackmailing him. It was uncanny how she had 
gotten the camera angle, though, like she did this sort of thing 
all the time.
     It was going to be a long night.
     "Hey there, kiddo!" Out of nowhere, Washu was next to him. 
And she was obviously intent on getting close. A little *too* 
close.
     "Um... uh... hi there, Miss Washu."
     She smiled. "Nice night we're having, eh Tenchi?"
     Tenchi quickly realized that Washu was changing becoming 
more physically... mature. While she usually looked to be around 
twelve or so, she now seemed to be a very... healthy girl of 
sixteen.
     "Finally..." Washu said wistfully. "we have a chance to be 
alone."
     Tenchi was sweating bullets. From when they'd first met, 
he'd suspected he should be wary of her affections. Of course, 
the fact that her first words to him were "Hello, I'm Washu, 
Thank you for saving me, Wanna' be a guinea pig in my experi-
ments?" was something of a tipoff. And then when she "tested" him 
in her lab {see Tenchi Muyo! Episode 7}, he was sure of it.  And 
then not too much later she said she wanted to start a family 
with him...
     "Washu! What are you doing here?!" It was Ryoko; she tele-
ported right up to her mothers face. "Well?!"
     "I should ask *you* the same question, Ryoko!" shouted Aeka.
     Ryoko and Aeka each began to unleash their respective pow-
ers. Tenchi dove behind the bench, and quickly found himself 
sliding down the roof and landed rather painfully on the ground. 
Or rather, on someone who was, until recently, standing on the 
ground.
     When he picked himself up, he saw that it was the purple-
haired girl -- Shampoo. She was breathing and her pulse was fine, 
but she appeared to have been knocked out, or at least dazed. The 
three up there wouldn't stay busy for too much longer, so he 
carefully picked her up and made a run for it.
     Ukyo watched him go, at once amused and jealous.

     Dinner was nearly over. Kiyone was still quite confused by 
this Kuno guy, who never seemed to run out of poetry to quote, or 
archaic language to use. Or compliments to bestow upon her. 
Despite the fact that she was having a hard time formulating 
words as the moment. She just couldn't get over how *weird* he 
was.
     Ryo-Ohki switched to her humanoid form, and quickly gobbled 
up the plate of carrots she had been presented with. That done, 
she looked for someone who needed cheering up. Seeing a pair of 
men whose expressions were grim, she walked up to them, and sang 
her newest song.
     Genma and Soun looked at the little rabbit/cat/girl creature 
in confusion. Yoshou started smiling and clapping, and nudged 
Genma -- a little painfully -- in the ribs. He applauded as well, 
and Soun was quick to join.
     Her mission accomplished, Ryo-Ohki jumped up and down happi-
ly, and looked for someone else to make happy.
     "Truly!" Kuno was bellowing, "your eyes are like deep pools, 
reflecting the purest of souls!"
     "Meow?"
     Kuno turned around and looked at the thing that stood before 
him. "What... what is this... abomination!?" Before anyone could 
say anything, Kuno had pulled out his bokken, and was preparing 
to strike.
     Ryo-Ohki was scared, and took a step back.
     "Have at ye! You foul demon!"
     Ryo-Ohki closed her eyes, and the gem in her forehead 
glowed. A split second before Kuno could swing, he was struck by 
a blast of glowing red energy that left the kendoka crumpled in a 
heap.
     Ryo-Ohki meowed in lament. Kiyone checked Kuno's vital 
signs.
     Curious as to what was going on, Mihoshi approached. Ryo-
Ohki, who was still scared, buried her head in Mihoshi's stomach. 
"What?"
     Kiyone sighed. "He... tried to attack her. For some reason."
     "The thing you've got to understand about Kuno," said Ranma, 
coming up behind them, "is that he's a moron."
     Kiyone glanced back at the unconscious swordsman.
     "Yep. The only one worse than him is his sister. Kuno is a 
*major* pinhead."
     Genma tapped Ranma on the shoulder. "Boy, there's something 
I need to talk to you about."
     Ranma sighed. "When he comes to, tell him that he vanquished 
the demon. Either that or knock him out again." He turned to his 
father and scowled. "What do you want *this* time?"
     "It's simple, boy; you know that girl Ryoko?"
     He was starting to dislike the sound of this already. Was he 
going to have *another* fiancee?
     The light played across the old man's glasses in that curi-
ous way that they did only when he spoke in hushed tones. "She is 
willing to dispose of the Master for us. All you have to do is 
spend some time alone with her."
     He nearly fell over. "And do what?!"
     "Does it matter? Think of the good that would come of this; 
is there any price too great?"
     From what he'd seen of her, it very well might be. She 
looked to be just the sort to want something kinky...
     "Good." said Genma. "Now face it like a man." He usually 
only said that when something terrible was about to happen. But 
then, Aeka had called Ryoko a demon...
     Ryoko walked up behind them, and leaned on Genma. "Ready 
yet?"
     He nodded. "He's all yours."
     Ryoko giggled, grabbed Ranma by the arm, and teleported.

     Tenchi watched as Shampoo stirred and finally came to. She 
looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. She found 
herself in one of the guest rooms, lying on a futon.
     "What happened?"
     "Well," said Tenchi, scratching the back of his neck, "I 
sort of... fell of the roof and... landed on you." She was beau-
tiful and Tenchi did his damndest to take his eyes off her. 
"You're not hurt, are you?" It wasn't working.
     She sat up and shook her head. "No. Shampoo not hurt."
     "Oh good." he managed, not sure what to do next.

     Dealing with Ryoko was far more than Ranma had bargained 
for. It was sort of like... It was like Akane with the Reversal 
Gem, the body of a model, and the power to crush him like an 
insect. The combination was quickly reducing his brain to a 
viscous gray ooze.
     Every aspect of her was affecting him to some degree; her 
curves, her voice, the devious slant of her yellow, catlike 
eyes... And it had only been five minutes.
     Ranma's thoughts (or more accurately, puddle thereof) were 
interrupted by cold water splashing over him.
     Ranma spun around; Happosai stood in front of her, with an 
empty bucket. He smiled, and dropped the bucket. "Ranma, honey!"
     Before either Ranma or Happosai knew what was happening, 
Ryoko tripped ranma, sending her into the warm water below, and 
stepped on Happosai.
     "I suppose," Ryoko fumed, "I'll have to take care of you 
now!" She formed and energy blade, and got ready to slice and 
dice the little pervert.
     Just as she was ready to swing, however, she was suddenly 
catapulted into the air, somehow propelled upwards by the old man 
twirling his pipe. Using her flight power she quickly stabilized 
and then counteracted her ascent, diving down on the little 
lecher. When he tossed some sort of bomb with a cartoonish, 
sputtering fuse, she simply teleported closer, and the bomb 
sailed past.
     Ryoko plunged her energy blade downward, nearly impaling 
Happosai, who neatly hopped out of the way. Enraged, Ryoko let 
the blade dissipate, and started hurling energy blasts at Happo-
sai.
     He dodge these too, and paused to stick out his tongue. 
Seeing an avenue of attack, Ryoko kicked him high into the air, 
then jumped and teleported at him, grabbing the sucker, and dove, 
plunging him into the warm water below.
     Ranma was quite impressed with Ryoko's power, but... "You 
know, unless you distract him somehow, he's just going to throw 
you again..."
     Ryoko had just enough time to look down before she was again 
hurled into the air. This time, however, she did something dif-
ferent; she divided into two Ryokos. One half of her landed in 
front of Happosai, while the other hid, and found a rather sturdy 
wooden crate.
     The Ryoko who stood in front of Happosai opened her top. The 
other one brought the crate over Happosai an instant later. 
Together, they thoroughly sealed it, taking turns getting chains, 
locks, duct tape, and a few wards for good measure.
     When they finished, the two Ryokos high-fived and recom-
bined.
     "Y-you just... split... two..." Ranma sputtered. People had 
trapped Happosai before, but to split into two people? *That* 
he'd never seen before.
     "What, that little trick?" Ryoko said smugly, lifting the 
chain-laden crate with one finger. "That was nothing." she said 
as she vanished.

     Shampoo stood up, and faced Tenchi. "Thank you for concern. 
Can Shampoo ask Tenchi something?"
     "Uh, sure..."
     "Promise you visit Nekohanten some day. Okay?"
     He nodded. "No problem."
     She smiled tenderly, kissed him, and left. Tenchi turned the 
brightest shade of red he ever had, and fell over.
     Deep in the shadows, a pair of eyes watched, and a yellow 
bill twisted into a frown.
     There was a knock at the door. Tenchi took a few breaths, 
wiped the blood from his nose, and carefully picked himself up. 
"Come in."
     Sasami stepped into the room, looking distraught. "Tenchi? 
Have you seen Ryo-Ohki?"
     It took him a moment to pull his thoughts together. "Ryo-
Ohki? Um, no. I haven't seen her. Did you ask Ryoko yet?"
     The Juraian princess shook her head. "I can't find her 
either. I looked everywhere!"
     "Well, maybe Ryoko went on a short trip or something. Try 
asking Washu."
     "Okay, I will. Thank you anyway, Tenchi."

     Happosai fought violently against the sides of the crate. 
Finally, he burst out, and found himself on a rocky, gray land-
scape. The sky was black, and there was a glowing bluish white 
circle in the sky.
     "Where am I?"
     Harsh, female laughter rang across the landscape. Ryoko 
appeared, hovering some twenty feet off the ground. "Hello, old 
man."
     "What are you doing?"
     She grinned, and a black, angular, crystalline *thing* 
hovered overhead. "This is the moon, you pervert." she said 
matter-of-factly. "And I'm leaving you here to rot! Enjoy the 
orbital bombardment!"

     Sasami found Washu standing by a balcony, holding a pair of 
binoculars and looking at the sky.
     "Washu."
     "Looking for Ryo-Ohki, Sasami?" she asked without looking 
away.
     She nodded. "Have you seen her?"
     Washu turned around, and handed her the binoculars. "Here; 
look at the moon."
     Although she wasn't sure just what Washu was getting at, 
Sasami did so. The binoculars automatically zoomed in on the 
target -- Ryo-Ohki, in spaceship form. The pet spacecraft was 
firing away at the lunar surface. "What's going on Washu?"
     "Do you remember that little old man earlier today?"
     "You mean--?"
     "Yup. She must've been more angry at him than I thought."

     Mousse had finally been able to return to human form after 
than unfortunate incident at lunch time. But while he had been 
wandering the inn, he had seen some guy fall on top of his be-
loved Shampoo, knocking her cold. Somehow, when she had come to, 
he had tricked her into kissing him.
     Mousse now knew his enemy's name, and swore that he would 
have his revenge. "Tenchi Masaki! Vengeance will be mine!"
     "Meow?"
     Mousse turned around, and found a small furry creature 
there. He put his glasses on and squinted away, finally decided 
that it had to be Shampoo in cat form. He picked her up, and went 
to find some hot water. "Don't worry Shampoo; I'll help you 
change back."
     "Meow?"

     After being dunked in hot water for nearly ten minutes, Ryo-
Ohki was still unsure what this weird guy with the big, thick 
glasses was trying to do, and why he kept calling her "Shampoo" 
all the time, and why he got more and more worried every time he 
stuck her into the water.
     Finally, she decided to try to cheer him up. She switched to 
humanoid form, and began to sing her best song ever, the one she 
was saving for someone who really needed cheering up.
     But even as she sang up a storm, he only started to get more 
and more confused. How could he? This was probably the best 
performance she'd ever given. She tried to do better, but it 
wasn't working.
     Finally, she burst into tears.
     "Huh? I-I'm sorry Shampoo. Tha-- that was just wonderful! I 
never knew you could sing so well!"
     Ryo-Ohki smiled again. "Meow!"
     He gave her a big hug, and she returned the gesture. She 
knew she could cheer him up if she tried hard enough.
     "Oh, Shampoo!"
     But why did he keep calling her that?
     "Wait a minute! You... you're not Shampoo!"
     "Ryo-Ohki! There you are!" Sasami called out. Recognizing 
her very best friend, Ryo-Ohki popped back into cabbit form, and 
hopped up onto Sasami's head.
     Mousse looked confused. "Ryo-Ohki?"
     Sasami looked at the weird guy. "Yeah. That's her name. I'm 
Sasami... Nice to meet you."
     She squinted as he had never squinted before, and was able 
to make out a blue-haired little girl and a brown, fuzzy crea-
ture. "Um... yes. I am Mousse. Have you seen Shampoo?"
     Only barely able to contain the urge to burst out laughing, 
Sasami replied, "Um, no. Sorry."
     And with that, he left. When she was sure he couldn't hear, 
she collapsed to the floor with laughter.

                       *        *        *

     When morning finally came, it was pretty obvious who hadn't 
gotten enough sleep; Kuno, Kiyone, Ranma, and Ryoko.
     As soon as Ranma walked into the dining room, Ukyo strode up 
to him indignantly. "Ranma, where were you all last night?"
     Ranma scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I, uh..."
     Ukyo shot a glance at Ryoko, who grinned and waved.
     "Ranma! You didn't!"
     "Well..."
     She pulled out a spatula, and got ready to swing.
     "Wait! Lemme explain!"

     Tenchi watched Ukyo walk by with a *very* large spatula that 
had a Ranma-shaped imprint in its metallic surface. She stopped 
frowning long enough to smile and wave to him, then stalked off 
somewhere or other.
     "This sure has been a strange weekend." he muttered, wishing 
his life could be boring just for a little while.
     "Are you Tenchi Masaki?"
     Tenchi turned around and saw a guy about his age, wearing a 
white robe and very thick glasses, addressing a plant.
     "What would be me."
     He spun around. "You! You're the one who defiled my lovely 
Shampoo!"
     They suddenly became the center of attention. All was si-
lent.
     "Tenchi backed away a little. "But... but..."
     "I, Mousse, challenge you to a duel!"
     "But I... I didn't..." He looked around. "Oh, jeez. I don't 
even have my sword..."
     "You may use mine, brave warrior." Kuno handed Tenchi a 
bokken. "Fight bravely and with honor, my friend."
     The next thing Tenchi knew, a maniac was flinging chains, 
cudgels, and other unpleasant and in many cases *sharp* objects 
at him. As his grandfather had taught him, he let his mind become 
clear -- the mental discipline was finally starting to work.
     Everyone watched at Tenchi did his best to dodge the flail-
ing chains and swinging blades, and struck, hitting his opponent 
in the chest.
     Mousse fell back and grinned. "You're pretty good. But not 
good enough!"
     Before anyone knew what was happening, Tenchi was behind 
Mousse, and held the bokken across his neck. "What was that you 
were saying?"
     Sasami, Ryo-Ohki, and Mihoshi cheered, until Mousse swung 
one leg around, tripped Tenchi, and jumped away. "I said--"
     "Excuse me, but what do you think you're doing to Tenchi?" 
Ryoko easily picked Mousse up by his collar, and took his glasses 
off, crushing them in one hand.
     "Please, miss," said Kuno, "this is a man's fight. Interfer-
ing will only bring dishonor to your beloved."
     Ryoko looked at Tenchi, who shrugged, and let go of Mousse.
     "Now," said Mousse, "let us continue!"
     The two combatants charged, but Tenchi tripped, rolled over, 
and fell on his face. Mousse, on the other hand, had gone in the 
wrong direction, and slammed into a wall. Since Tenchi was con-
scious (albeit barely) and Mousse was not, he was declared the 
winner by default.
     Tenchi returned the bokken to Kuno.
     "Your skill is most impressive, my friend." said Kuno. "I 
did not know you practiced kendo. Who is your sensei?"
     "My grandfather."
     Kuno smiled. "A formidable warrior, no doubt. Some day you 
must teach me that feint maneuver."
     "Uh, yeah."
     "Well," said Kasumi, "that was exciting. But out bus will 
come in only a few hours." There was a pause as everyone prepared 
goodbyes. "Oh! One other thing; I wanted to invite you all to our 
next Christmas party."
     Kuno looked at Kiyone, Ryoko looked at Ranma, and nearly 
everyone glanced at Tenchi.
     Yoshou stepped forward and smiled. "My dear, we would be 
delighted."
________________________________________________________________

Afterword
     Ranma Muyo! ended up being one of my favorite kinds of 
stories to write; the kind that takes on a life of its own. The 
thing practically wrote itself over the course of a couple days. 
Very few stories of any sort can do that, and it is probably the 
most fun story I've ever written (but then, the cast of charac-
ters helped). I don't know that the ending was as good as I 
would've liked, but I think it all turned out rather well.
     Who knows, I might even do another Ranma/Tenchi fanfic in 
the future (the Christmas party mentioned at the end is a very 
definite possibility), called something like "Ryo-Ohki 1/3" or 
"Tenchi Nettouhen"...

Vocabulary Words
     For those who are ignorant of Japanese culture:
bokken: Made of a very dense, hard wood (I think it was supposed 
to be rosewood of something like that) and with the same weight 
and shape as a katana, the bokken was created for kendo practice, 
on account of the fact that using real swords tends to make for 
short-lived students. However, even the bokken can cause serious 
injuries, and kill a man in the right hands, so the shinai, made 
of four strips of bamboo attacked to a hilt, was created, and is 
now more or less standard for kendo practice, and is relatively 
harmless in combat (especially when one is wearing the full kendo 
training armor).

kendo: "The Way of the Sword;" a rather philosophical martial 
art/sport, derived from the earlier style of kenjutsu.

kendoka: One who practices kendo (like karateka, judoka, etc.).
onsen: Hot springs; usually an inn with several natural springs, 
which are believed to be very healthy to bathe in.

Semi-Spam
     If you are interested in some Tenchi Muyo! fanfiction, be 
sure to check out Tenchi Muyo! Universe, which can be found on my 
web page (http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6127). TM!U is a series 
dealing primarily with characters that are either minor to the 
point of insignificance in the series, or completely original, 
and it serves to explore a great deal of the Tenchi universe 
(hence the name). As of this writing (11/5/95), parts 1-5 of TM!U 
are completed and on the web page, along with an essay on the 
Galaxy Police.

----------------------------------------------------------------
by Ewen "Ryoga" Cluney (ryoga_hibiki@hotmail.com)
Ryoga's Momentos Home Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/6127/

"Oh great! A rock shaped like a giant skull. Those always mean 
trouble." -- Speedy, Samurai Pizza Cats
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